pianissimo!

 

21st and 22nd Aug. 

Laurel and Hardy created the blueprint for this comedy/action thriller and it hasn't been surpassed. (The Music Box, 1932). Getting a piano up or down a long flight of steps. An inherently tricky proposition. Let's go!

These things can easily slip through your fingers if not recorded, so I documented this episode with a compact camera that used to be my number 1 camera. It is currently my number 3 camera and as such doesn't get out as much. The last time I used it was on the 7th July when a young blackbird, newly out the nest was testing its powers of flight. It had flown up to the landing window below our third floor flat and hopped in the open window. It must have flown to the (inside) upper window trying to find an escape, then fallen down the gap between the upper sash and lower. It was now trapped between the two windows and didn't have the sense or experience to get out itself. 

That was the scene which met me when I left the flat. Luckily I wasn't in a hurry and got out the medium sized steps to rescue it. I couldn't just lower the window without risking breaking a wing, so I partially lowered the lower window then standing on the steps reached into the gap and tried to catch the bird. It did not like this plan at all and made a terrible ruckus. It even flew clear above the window gap but then fell back down. After a bit more shouting and flapping (it, not me) I got hold of it in 2 hands and descended the steps. When I let it go out the window it made a long diving swoop into the back garden and I was pleased both wings seemed working and undamaged by the experience. I had been surprised by the power and strength of such a small creature. Which I suppose thought it was fighting for its life. Anyway a happy ending and one I meant to document before now but I kinda forgot the incident until I saw the photos again. 

So where were we?

a feathery tale

do or die

Oh yes, I had been thinking about getting a new keyboard and Mary suggested it would work in the space currently occupied by the upright piano. This was a large, rather heavy Music Box I had lugged about the last 5 flats I have lived in: Grange Loan, Sciennes, Steels Place, Easter Road, here. I have never had piano lessons but lived alongside a piano most of my life. However since I bought an electronic keyboard a number of years ago, with headphones so the neighbours don't need to hear me playing, I have hardly touched the piano. The thought of getting rid of it seemed like a huge chore but Mary got the number of a Junk Removal firm and they said they could come collect the piano (and a couch) next day. Yikes! I removed the mountain of stuff that had collected on top of the piano which had morphed into a storage facility, the flat top being particularly good for piles of books, old bits of wood off the beach, product boxes you can't just throw out, paintings and yet more books. 

The Joe Junk blokes arrived and the most significant thing was the amount of them, which was 2. We all had a bit of a laugh about that and they contacted head-office who sent another couple that were in the area. The piano left its harbour of 30 years and was wheeled out into our hall. Since the base was 4 casters and the top was smooth, it was deemed it should go down the stairs on its top, upside down. The four of them with considerable effort just managed to flip it end over end and position it at the top of the stairs. It should be pointed out that a piano like this weighs about the same as the Titanic with a full hold and roster. It requires more than just brute strength to move it; it requires belief and strong leadership.

We all took a breather and looked at the stairs and looked at the piano. Two of the Joe Junkers were in favour of just going for it, but the man who positioned himself as the head of the team perhaps because he was the longest served, was worried the weight of the beast would cause a load of damage to the staircase, or, worst case scenario, would, once gaining momentum with only frail humans to stop it moving, would keep going and bash through a wall, fall to the ground and start making its way towards China. As the other 2 said much later and out of earshot "he shat it".

To lighten the load, the boss guy said we should get a handy man to strip all the components from inside the piano and take them downstairs separately. The last remaining bit would be more manageable. I was sad to have to bring the beast back into our hallway (upside down) and wave bye bye to the three strong blokes and the boss who shat it. I got out the screwdrivers, wrenches and a claw hammer.

We put the beast on one end (as photo below.) About thiry five years ago as the beast was leaving Grange Loan, the butter-finger removal guys pushed it over the uneven flags of the garden path and sheered off one of the four casters from the rear right corner. Because it has never been on its side till now I hadn't had the opportunity to re-attach it. I had kept the caster handy and with some of the longer screws removed from the interior of this ocean going liner I reattached said caster. It felt very satisfying even though it was in the order of too little too late. But appreciated by the guys who had to eventually wheel it out into the street and onto their lorry.

It took 2 long hours and about thirty 2"~5" screws and bolts to gut the beast. I had been slightly affronted by the suggestion I might hire a handy man; that I obviously didn't appear to have the sort of skills to deconstruct a piano without an Eastern European assistant arriving to hold my hand. Some of the exterior panels are made to come off but most aren't. I was impressed by the quality and scale of workmanship in the beast as it slowly, very slowly shed its interior. Then I came to the inevitable screw that wouldn't budge. No amount of bad language and brute force would shift it. I sprayed it with a release oil and still it wouldn't shift. Every slip of the screwdriver shaved another sliver of hope off the slot. If I smoothed it off we were done for and I'd have to start sawing, chiselling and hammering. I really wanted to avoid this because with all the dampening removed, hundreds of strings (three per note) reverberated with every wee knock and bump and sounded like the horror-movie soundtrack for a psycho-killer on the rampage. If I started to saw and hammer the neighbours would surely call the cops.

Eventually I saw a tiny movement in the stubborn screw. My forearms were sweating. I didn't know forearms could sweat. I could feel the blood pressure in my neck and after a huge effort, pushing maximum force into the piano in order to not shave the slot, Mary standing pushing on the opposite side to keep it upright, the bastard moved and after a long grunt at maximum wattage it did a full rotation. The second turn was nearly as bad, but by the fifth, was spinning like a top. It felt like we might be seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

The removal of the screw allowed another few sections to come free. I was stacking them - maybe 8 or 10 different large pieces came out leaving just the main carcass with cast iron frame and strings left. No more could be removed without unwinding the strings. It still weighed the same as a fully stocked anvil factory but I reckoned would go down the stairs if the right people with the right attitude returned. We phoned them up and forwarded photos of the dissection, and they arranged to come about the same time next day. 

I expected to have really sore pecs and shoulders and forearms the next day from unusual and prolonged tensioning as you might after the over-enthusiastic first day at a new gym. However I wasn't too bad. I felt I had passed some sort of a test of manliness, although the greatest thing achieved was actually making a space the size of a large piece of furniture in a small flat and getting rid of something I hadn't used regularly in ten(?) years. It was a shame to kill a musical instrument and one that has shared my accommodation for the best part of forty years but best not get nostalgic now. Get this beast downstairs and out!

upended - note only 3 casters

fourth caster replaced - ahh that's better!

unfinished symphony completed

noise box - the reverb from the strings was incredible

the guts of the beast

bucket of keys
all the white and black keys had to come out individually

Next morning and the more go-ahead of the Joe Junks arrived and were very pleased to see the results from my work the day before. Also I made about 8 trips up and down the stairs putting the guts of the piano in the bottom hallway to save them the trouble. To be fair they didn't increase the quote to account for the time all 4 of them took the first day and the fact it required another visit next day. The guys were very upbeat and lets-do-this (with the exception of the boss guy - the one who shat it on day 1) and I'd give them 4 or 5 stars for effort and turning up on time. (Didn't even have a cup of tea!) Maybe dock a star for the admin who thought 2 guys would manage a piano down 3 flights on their own. But generally yeah, I'd hire them again. 

I took a couple of pics and some video of the beast going downstairs. I have no idea what the neighbours thought but the sound was immense (and not in a good way.) Turn the volume on the video to number 11 to get an idea. I had a towel covering the strings to damp them when I was working on it but it still made huge rumbles and echoing roars. Going down the stairs there was a LOT of incidental bashing which didn't drown out the cursing of the two brave dudes wrestling it to the ground floor. 

end of an era - looks tiny on the van, but this was a major opus

The Music Box circa2025